44.

how’d that happen?

  • I still call my parents every time I have a problem.
  • I still like to sleep until noon on the weekends.
  • I still feel like I have a job and am waiting to start a career.
  • I still feel like I am “not good enough” at…well, a lot of things.
  • I still feel like I need to check with my parents before I make a big decision.
  • I still cannot manage my money.
  • I still feel surprised to realize I am married with children.
  • I still get pimples.
  • I still have dreams of what I want to do when I grow up.
  • I still would rather dress out of a laundry basket than fold laundry.
  • I still forget to pay bills on time.
  • I still get self-conscious when I am around pretty girls or cute guys.

I so do not feel 44 years old today. I feel like a teenager pretending to be a grown-up. I also feel like my life is passing by pretty damn fast and that scares me. I want it to slow down. I want to enjoy all of it, completely. And, I want to document it for my family.

I thought about making my first post on my new blog AND my birthday post on my new blog something fun & clever. You know, one of those 44 things lists or something. But, seriously, that’s just not me. I WANT to be a list maker but my lists never look good enough for me to keep so I throw them away and start over. Then I forget what was on the list. And that is a whole different post.

In the end I decided just to keep it real and talk about how surreal that number feels.

As for going forward with this blog…I give myself permission to post whatever I want to remember and to be authentic in my posts. I’m not going to try to be an award winning writer, I’m just going to write. I’m not going to try to write what everyone wants to read, I’m just going to write. I want to post photos of things that I create. I want to ‘say’ that I am going to post photos of things that I create so that I will create more things. I want to record the day to day life that the 6 of us share; the good, the bad, & the ugly. I want to ‘say’ that I want to record the good, the bad, & the ugly so that I will actually record it and not just gloss over it and pretend our life is effortless. I want to show my family how important they are to me that I needed to put it in pictures and print, forever. I want to show myself how important I am that I needed to put it in pictures and print, forever.

Happy Birthday, Julie.
Make it a great one.
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